you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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