THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
