What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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