I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
