she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
