what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
