Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
