just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
