My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
