I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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