i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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