talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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