Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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