we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
