I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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