That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
