90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
