So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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