Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
