You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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