found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mom said you looked used
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
