please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize