Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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