I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
