Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is Oprah even human
I'm too high and old for this...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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