I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
