her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
