It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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