its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.