i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.