trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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