hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub