Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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  (651): nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent http://tfl.nu/r5vc
  Replies (44) Good night (1421) Bad night (2703)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  three words: i give head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  three words: not that well

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  (404): three words: i give head (770): three words: not that well http://tfl.nu/mukd
  Replies (65) Good night (1466) Bad night (8706)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

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  (614): just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society. http://tfl.nu/uah3
  Replies (31) Good night (1562) Bad night (4104)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

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  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (79) Good night (38762) Bad night (1961)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..

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  (907): Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy. (1-907): Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more.. http://tfl.nu/8g8e
  Replies (45) Good night (7607) Bad night (957)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

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  (425): couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school http://tfl.nu/94oh
  Replies (36) Good night (6739) Bad night (1668)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers

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  (931): I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers http://tfl.nu/gzzm
  Replies (8) Good night (2784) Bad night (1179)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

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  (810): It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team. http://tfl.nu/1zge
  Replies (7) Good night (3329) Bad night (1373)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Breakfast tacos?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS

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  (832): Breakfast tacos? (1-832): YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS http://tfl.nu/haxw
  Replies (17) Good night (3043) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!

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  (314): Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo! http://tfl.nu/csd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1552) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?

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  (610): Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that? http://tfl.nu/63qi
  Replies (5) Good night (1247) Bad night (502)
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  (951): View more from California

  Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.

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  (951): Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day. http://tfl.nu/6blw
  Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (819)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.

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  (860): Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage. http://tfl.nu/sckj
  Replies (3) Good night (420) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.

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  (44): You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas. http://tfl.nu/b55v
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.

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  (317): My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago. http://tfl.nu/ox4y
  Replies (5) Good night (740) Bad night (351)

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