I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers