Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
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my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.