So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker