is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
