I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
