apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
