Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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