I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
