One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
