Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
