If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
