I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
