I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
