My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
