nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
