I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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