i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
