So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
