I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
