gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
