I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
