Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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