If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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