Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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