from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just had sex on a roof
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
