Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
