I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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