You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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