i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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