Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
