I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
