When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
